fanmix: pilgrim(s) [torchwood, suzie/gwen]

[vanitashaze]

1. ...This has got to be the funniest thing I've seen all week.

2. Part two of the femslash-fanmixes. (Yes, I know.)







Pilgrim [Sarah Slean]
Pilgrim, where's your head at?
Are you paying the birds to sing?
But it won't work on the true path
Where the wretched are growing wings
...
Pilgrim, whatcha looking at me for?
My disaster has come and gone
It left me by the roadside
With my shadow and one more song
[Download]


Together We Will Live Forever [Clint Mansell]
[instrumental]
[Download]


Black Dirt [Sea Wolf]
As the light fades from my eyes
I smile but don't know why
...
Here on the ground I lie
I cannot hear a sound as I die
It may be true that I lied,
Broke a promise that I tried
But my heart no longer beats
and when you kill you'll only leave
black dirt under your feet
[Download]


Borrowed Time [A Fine Frenzy]
Counting stars and passing cars on the interstate
The end is near, I feel it dear, but I am not afraid
Step, step right over the line and onto borrowed time
When it's life, not waiting to die
[Download]


Headlock [Imogen Heap]
I've been walking, you've been hiding
And you look half dead half the time
Monitoring you, like machines do,
You've still got it, I'm just keeping an eye
So what, don't care, will not, the end
...
You know you're better than this
[Download]


Late Goodbye [Poets of the Fall]
Your breath, hot upon my cheek,
and we crossed, that line
You made me strong when I was feeling weak
and we crossed, that one time
Screaming stop signs, staring wild eyes,
keep on flashing, flashing by
And we keep driving into the night
It's a late goodbye, such a late goodbye
[Download]


Our Hell [Emily Haines & the Soft Skeleton]
First went wrong is hard to find
We're paralyzed, we apologize
Our hell is a good life
Last went wrong,
Where's my prize under the lights
Can we call it in?
We'll be on the road - can we stop?
...
What I thought was in is missing out
What I thought it was it isn't now
There's a pattern in the system
There's a bullet in the gun
That's why I tried to save you
But it can't be done
[Download]


Use Once and Destroy [Hole]
It's the emptiness that's all you have left
Too terrified of your frozen breath
It's a bitter mouth, it's buttered and knifed
It's the awful truth you fight for your life
...
I went down to rescue you
I went all the way down
Fill your hungry wretched life
Here they come, it's closing time
[Download]


Vertigo [Sarah Slean]
The heavens dropped a bag
Of red and white lights
Pearls that keep the highway bright
And it feels like being born,
Night driving,
The moon hangs a dangerous height
...
And I am full of love and consequence
Merciful, the sky of coal,
The beauty of the cars' electric light
The speed with which their destinies glow
[Download]


Gorecki [Lamb]
All I've known
All I've done
All I've felt was leading to this
I want to stay right here
'Till the end of time, 'till the earth stops turning
Gonna love you 'till the seas run dry
I've found the one I've waited for
[Download]


Love And War [Rilo Kiley]
All is fair and love and we're in love
Now that everybody's dead we can finally talk
Can vanity and happiness coexist?
All the lovers we've taken in direct view of the enemy
And we shift each other's body to accept the bullet
And continue the pleasure, it's the treasures of battle
It's only for the wounded, the purple-hearted
Why must you try to ruin my peace of mind
And they were only words and I never meant them
I never loved you, even in my weakness
You were fuel for the fire cannon fodder
[Download]


Ballad Of a Bitter End [The Poems]
If this is love
It hangs in doubt
It'll kill you or me
If we come out
But what a way to go
(Talk to me again,
Please talk to me again)
[Download]


My Vampire Heart [Tom McRae]
Darling I'm lost,
Adrift in the dark
I'm clutching your words to my vampire heart,
Once more
So let in the light, turn me to dust
If it don't end in bloodshed, dear,
It's probably not love
[Download]


Rid Of Me [PJ Harvey]
Tie yourself to me
No one else
No, you're not rid of me
Hmm, you're not rid of me
Night and day I breathe
Yeah, you're not rid of me
Yeah, you're not rid of me
I'll make you lick my injuries
I'm gonna twist your head off, see
[Download]

Comments

[glitterfairy25.livejournal.com]

suzie/gwen, an interesting ship...

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

I know most of the internets hated They Keep Killing Suzie with a passion, but I'm ashamed to say I not only loved it - Greeks Bearing Gifts redux, much? - but I copped a new ship from it. With interesting, messed-up dynamics. And open-endedness. And a (brief) on-screen kiss.

(Personally, I think it has more base than any of the other non-canon femslash ships. But maybe that's just me.)

[glitterfairy25.livejournal.com]

I wasn't in fandom for the first series, so I didn't know they hated it. I thought it was alright, but then I thought cyberwoman was alright *sigh*

I admit I can't really see the ship, but I can understand how you could. There's an on-screen kiss?? what sort of open-endedness do you mean?

There's certainly something there - tension?

yeah, late reply is late.

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

Yup - I'm not sure it counts, exactly, as one participant was somewhat unconcious at the time, but it's right before Suzie's death scene, when they're pulling up to the dock in their car. It's one of my favorites.

Suzie: It's beautiful, Gwen, can you see? [helps Gwen out of the car, and leads them past the gates to the ferry] We'll take the ferry. Go out. As far as we can. Keep on running, 'cause he won't hurt us. We'll keep on going, you and me...
Suzie: Oh, I'm sorry. Have you gone? Gwen? Can you hear me? Gwen?
Suzie: Poor Gwen Cooper. [kiss] Safe journey.

Even though Gwen gets on my nerves and Suzie's just nuts, that bit just broke my heart. & in a roundabout sort of way, it kind of illustrates my "open-endedness" point. There's a lot of things in this episode - Suzie, her relationship with her father, her relationship with Gwen - that don't get tied up into a neat little bow by the end. It's left up to your imagination. Personally, I think that's the coolest type of storytelling. Just very... murky.

[glitterfairy25.livejournal.com]

as one participant was somewhat unconcious at the time

it's Torchwood, I'm sure it doesn't matter :P

That to me would suggest a bit of Suzie liking Gwen. But then, as you said, Gwen wasn't responsive. I'm getting this whole Suzie/Gwen vibe actually... I'll have to watch it again.


I don't mind Gwen so much, but Suzie scares me a bit.

I'm definitely gonna have to watch that again.

Murky... yes. *agrees*

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

Ha-ha! I have converted someone (sort of) to the way of Suzie/Gwen!

Seriously, though, I think she was sort of responsive, or at least in the beginning. I'm sure it was part Gwen's overdeveloped optimist drive, and part Suzie's manipulation, but they had something going, there, in the beginning - which was when Gwen seemed to show her likingness of Suzie, you know, until good old Suz unplugged her father and informed Gwen that she was slowly being shot in the head. (And yes, she scares me too.) So, it's sort of like Gwen's "affection" came about in the nice times, and Suzie's in the not-so-nice.

...Yeah.

The murkiness was probably so sweet because it NEVER happens on Torchwood. It's the Show of Explaining. We get everyone's backstory (except Ianto), ten thousand alien "well, I didn't WANT to murder someone, but you know..." excuses, and a ton of bricks' worth of Jack-story. (Is he even that interesting anyway? I think not.)

[glitterfairy25.livejournal.com]

I don't quite ship it, but I certainly see it more than I did. In fact I see it in the first place!


There was a bit of a freaky thing going on from Suzie's side, I agree... I remember thinking that she could have had a bit of a weird crush thing on Gwen... Nice idea though.

"The Show of Explaining". I like that. It's very true. So much is answered when it was never really asked. And EVERYTHING needs a reason *sigh*

But we have had Ianto's backstory... In fragments? Jack-story is boring now. And I don't believe (read: want to believe) that he stayed underground for all that time... Yeah, right. Sounds more like "Oh, damn, let's find some evidence for the FOB story asap". FAIL.

c'mon Torchwood, where's the mystery? *sigh*

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

*dances around with her shiny new icon*

[glitterfairy25.livejournal.com]

it's.... not there. *is confused*


I have seen it before I came to comment though, and it 's very pretty :)

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

*is also confused* Huh, it doesn't appear to be so. Eh. I can't get the lighting right, anyways...

Personally, I hope they only touch Ianto with a ten-foot pole. Because I like him, I think he's a great character that does well with the understatement - if they just dropped a couple hints here and there, you know, that he has (or had, anyway) a life outside Torchwood, that would be fine. Or even if they addressed that he didn't. But I doubt he had some sort of dramatic/traumatic background, and I don't want to have to swallow the mess the writers would give us if they had to come up with one for him in their usual fashion. (And yes, we're looking at you, Tosh!story and Owen!story.) It's just the blatant... ignoring that annoys me.

[delgaserasca.livejournal.com]

Great choice for a mix; love the artwork.

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[acertainpain.livejournal.com]

femslash.<3

Oh wow, excellent songs and cover art.

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

There just isn't enough of it, is there?

[everworld2662.livejournal.com]

My god, thank you for shipping this. There isn't enough of us. =(

And can I say Headlock & Rid of Me are PERFECT? Not to mention excellent songs...

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks!

Disappointingly, there aren't enough - not just for this ship, but for any TW canon ships. Which is sad, because there's so much almost-canon and even canon that's completely ignored.

[angels-aubade.livejournal.com]

Oooh snagging some of these, great mix!

xx

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked!

[aurevoirpeyton.livejournal.com]

awesome Sarah Slean/Imogen/Clint Mansell choices! :)

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

Mansell and Heap are old favorites, but I've discovered a passion for Sarah Slean songs just recently. Her lyrics are so poetic!

[likewowman.livejournal.com]

very nice - i love the format, too, of just one big mp3

can't wait to listen.

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

One big mp3?

[likewowman.livejournal.com]

that's how it downloaded for me. weird.

[likewowman.livejournal.com]

... or i was paying zero attention. nvm haha.

[hollywoodgrrl.livejournal.com]

Oh this is lovely! Do you have a zip or rar of it that I can snag? I want the entire thing. :)

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

Here (http://www.mediafire.com/?gvrtmbnxd3e) you go.

[hollywoodgrrl.livejournal.com]

Ah! Thank you so much! Sorry for the OCD but I just have this thing where I believe you have to listen to the entire mix to get the full experience of the mix, otherwise it's just songs on a playlist. Anyway thanks! And beautiful artwork as well. :)

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's fine. I kind of have the same thing too. And thanks!

[oltha_heri.livejournal.com]

This looks fantastic. I am snagging thanks. Your TW femmeslash mixes are fantastically amazing and lovely.

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

I'm quite flattered; thank you!

[ticketsonmyself.livejournal.com]

I did like the idea of Gwen & Suzie. (And I like Hole and Sarah Slean's "Vertigo" very much indeed.) Nice artwork!

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Yeah, I've been in love with Hole ever since I heard their "Violet" on the Women's Work (http://www.imeem.com/luminosity/video/MubmmEnZ/luminosity_sisabet_spn_womens_work_art_video/) SPN fanvid (which I highly recomend watching, if you're a fan. It is scathing, and brilliantly edited.)

[ticketsonmyself.livejournal.com]

I've seen that video and I love it forever! Since you're a fan of 'Women's Work,' I recommend the vids listed at Through Critical Eyes (http://community.livejournal.com/halfamoon/11869.html) (and 'Origin Stories,' (http://community.livejournal.com/halfamoon/2008/02/25/) if you're at all familiar with Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel: The Series). Both posts were written for Half a Moon: 14 Days Celebrating Women. Through Critical Eyes recommends videos for Heroes, Smallville, Veronica Mars, and Gone With the Wind in addition to 'Women's Work.' Despite only casual familiarity with Smallville and VM, I've watched and really enjoyed all of them.

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

Re: "Jack" - Sigh. If only, if only, the woodpecker sighs, the bark on the trees was as soft as the skies... I wish this was the way it had turned out for them, especially poor Jessicaniki. It's disturbing, really, how they dealt with her - here is this woman who for once is stronger than a man, and for that her life is ripped apart by the seams. And when she does use this unsual strength, the message is that it's "wrong", "unnatural". A violation of how things should be. Like the message is if you are a strong woman, you will pay for it. It reminds me of something I read once, where a woman was saying that a female friend had taken a self-defense class and when the friend and her husband got into an argument, he grabbed a knife. He felt so threatened, because he couldn't control her anymore without a weapon.

Re: "Sugar" - I love this song! And though I'm not familiar with Smallville, like, at all, it was a beautiful video to watch nonetheless.

Re: "Beethoven's Fifth Golddigger" - Hmm. Still thinking this one over; I admit, I really did not like Gone With the Wind or Scarlett O'Hara the first few times I saw them, but it's been a while. Maybe I should go back and reassess.

Re: "Martina" - For this, I have no words besides, oh. Ah. (This will haunt.)

[ticketsonmyself.livejournal.com]

I hate Gone With the Wind with a passion, so that shadowed my own viewing of 'Beethoven's Fifth Gold Digger.' I do love that dynamic vid editing and movement!

Since you liked 'Martina,' I recommend an excellent series on the treatment of rape in VM (three brief parts: 1 (http://thehathorlegacy.com/rape-in-veronica-mars-part-1/), 2 (http://thehathorlegacy.com/rape-in-veronica-mars-part-2/), 3 (http://thehathorlegacy.com/rape-in-veronica-mars-third-and-final/)) and comments, especially those for part 3. The author has also written a really good, short essay on the VM episode 'Debasement Tapes': 'Grade' is not the verb I'd choose (http://thehathorlegacy.com/veronica-mars-grade-is-not-the-verb-id-choose/).

Since you liked 'Jack,' I also recommend '3 AM Call.' (http://shati.livejournal.com/201480.html) It's about how Niki is portrayed on Heroes, how she's constantly forced in a victim's position and strives to discover her identity. (http://community.livejournal.com/halfamoon/11869.html?thread=51805#t51805)

I wish this was the way it had turned out for them, especially poor Jessicaniki. It's disturbing, really, how they dealt with her - here is this woman who for once is stronger than a man, and for that her life is ripped apart by the seams. And when she does use this unsual strength, the message is that it's "wrong", "unnatural". A violation of how things should be. Like the message is if you are a strong woman, you will pay for it. It reminds me of something I read once, where a woman was saying that a female friend had taken a self-defense class and when the friend and her husband got into an argument, he grabbed a knife. He felt so threatened, because he couldn't control her anymore without a weapon.

Yes, the treatment of these and other women on Heroes has been so sad. Oh Jessicaniki. That anecdote is really telling, too.

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

Heroes: in which women are comprised of man-cushions, tears, boobs, and a whole lot of blood to spread around.

(And the sad this is, I still love this show.)

[ticketsonmyself.livejournal.com]

As with other shows I've reluctantly decided not to watch in future: Heroes, why you gotta hate when all I want to do is love you?

P.S. I like that you've written Claire/Elle, though my horror of severe bodily damage in a sexual relationship (even when I know Claire regenerates) prevents me from giving more detailed feedback!

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

P.S.S.: And, ouch. But I supposed I deserve that.

...It's interesting, how much people (me) not only tolerate but subject Claire to easily, when they (I) know she can heal. Forgetting the whole: "It hurts, it just hurts for less."

[ticketsonmyself.livejournal.com]

Oh no, I don't mean that it's an unrealistic scenario for Claire/Elle! We have seen Claire be fairly casual about self-injury, after all.


What I liked about '1 BR / 1 BA':


From their fathers they learned this: it's always the women who weep, and the women who carry on.


Elle handed over her cellphone but stomped on Claire's, stiletto heel digging into the plastic frame as if it were Claire's skeleton cracking under her boot.


Claire reaches out to touch and Elle shoves her, hard. "Get your own shower," she says.

(What she means is: I have no power here. What this means is: I am defenseless.)


How does it feel, Claire wonders, to set aside the still-crackling ghost of yourself each morning so you can shampoo your hair?


Any sensation is a stranger, a foreigner in the dull land of her body. If she were a normal human, Claire calculated, she would have been 97.9999% scar tissue by now, and evolution has its bumps, of course, its hiccups. Perhaps her nerves do not heal at the same rate as the rest of her cells, or they grow back strange. Perhaps the quicker she heals, the less she feels, until one morning she will wake up and not feel anything at all.


Is that what she was thinking, when she smashed her hand through a reinforced car window? Or is that what she thinks now, when her tongue traces the stress lines of Elle's face? Soon - soon for her, at least, the immortal one - those lines will be real, they will be permanent. Elle may be a flat plateau but wind can cut through rock. And when it happens, she'll be ready. When it happens. In the half-light she thinks is the sun through the curtains, plans follow the shell-curve of her ear and slither into her mind. And at night, Claire dreams of escaping, and wakes to find she's sweated through the sheets.


"Aren't you cute?" Elle grins, and Claire looks in the mirror.

"No," she says, "I look like you."


The scene with the groceries, and—

"What're you looking at?" she snaps, and Claire doesn't have the heart to tell her.