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vanitashaze: Profile of Teyla from Stargate Atlantis. (we burn our boats each new year)
It’s weird how the platform dictates posting habits — I used to post fairly regularly ish on LJ back in the day when that was just how things went, but ever since using Tumblr I’ve gotten into the habit of just reblogging other people’s content and not creating my own. Possibly because my life is... uh, not that interesting. Bad brains mean that I’m largely withdrawing from the world even as I’m trying hard not to, but I just don’t have the energy to do much other than function and go to work in the evenings and write Atlas and occasionally do the social thing and go to physical therapy and brain therapy, which as I write it I realize is a lot, but I still can’t shake the feeling that I should be doing more. I used to be able to do a lot more. It feels weird to say I’m still in mourning for who I used to be and the life I led, because a) I wasn’t happy then either, and b) I’m actually better than I was even last year, if not back to where I was. I want to believe that I can get to a place where I’m satisfied with my life. Is that so much to ask of the universe? Or of myself?

In exciting news, I might be going back to school in the fall, though! I’m strongly considering becoming an occupational therapy assistant. So that’s cool.
vanitashaze: Superman kicking off a... boot? Duck? (In with the new and out with the ducks)
Really, 2018 has been a shit year. My physical health is better than it was in 2017, but I'm still not in the living situation I want to be in, my social circle is way too small, I'm vastly underemployed at a job that doesn't pay well and I find really stressful, my country is doing horrible and horrific things and I feel pretty much powerless to do anything about it, and my mental health was worse overall this year than anything other than whatever the fuck 2013-2014 was. It's hard to be optimistic about anything, and while I know that there's a way out of the cycle I'm in, I have no idea how to find it and get out. But I'll try my hand at these resolution things anyway, if only to put it on public record that I said I'd do some things.

1. Find some way to be more politically involved. Even if it's small, it's better than nothing. I can't fix everything and I shouldn't expect myself to, but I can do some work somewhere.
2. Volunteer more. Once a month, at least.
3. Take an audition workshop and then actually start auditioning for things once the current season is over. And don't accept any more fucking board op jobs!
4. Do at least one embroidery project a month.
5. Finish Atlas and continue working on the Alabanza series.
6. Actually write the Homecoming play.
7. Actually write the pilot episode of the unnamed Yet Another Fucking High School TV Show.
8. Make some damn money. VIPKids, Say ABC, temp jobs, Starbucks, whatever, but find a hustle and do it.
9. I don't know what I can do about my mental health beyond what I'm already doing, but I have to do something.
10. Go to more social events -- D&D nights, book club, volunteer groups, reconnect with old friends, whatever -- at least twice a month.
11. Be kinder to myself. I'm not where I should be, I'm not where I want to be, but I'm where I am, and getting angry about that doesn't help anyone.

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vanitashaze: Arthur during the last kick. (Default)
vanitashaze

December 2022

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