Wow, I’m pretty terrible about this updating regularly thing

[vanitashaze]

It’s weird how the platform dictates posting habits — I used to post fairly regularly ish on LJ back in the day when that was just how things went, but ever since using Tumblr I’ve gotten into the habit of just reblogging other people’s content and not creating my own. Possibly because my life is... uh, not that interesting. Bad brains mean that I’m largely withdrawing from the world even as I’m trying hard not to, but I just don’t have the energy to do much other than function and go to work in the evenings and write Atlas and occasionally do the social thing and go to physical therapy and brain therapy, which as I write it I realize is a lot, but I still can’t shake the feeling that I should be doing more. I used to be able to do a lot more. It feels weird to say I’m still in mourning for who I used to be and the life I led, because a) I wasn’t happy then either, and b) I’m actually better than I was even last year, if not back to where I was. I want to believe that I can get to a place where I’m satisfied with my life. Is that so much to ask of the universe? Or of myself?

In exciting news, I might be going back to school in the fall, though! I’m strongly considering becoming an occupational therapy assistant. So that’s cool.

Comments

[ladymostkind]

I'm in the same boat as you in terms of how I use social media. Tumblr allows me to take a backseat and watch everyone else do things as i reblog their posts.

Yay, school! That might help you feel a little more at ease with where you are in your life, having a goal to work toward n all. I'm going back to school in the fall myself and it helps me feel like im not a total lost cause.

[vanitashaze]

I don’t think the tumblr model is very good for me — I’ve definitely withdrawn socially online, mostly using it to keep track of people I already know IRL, and I guess people do manage to find friends on tumblr but I have no idea how! Haha I feel like the only reasons I get online these days are to post fic and complain about being overwhelmed by a not very overwhelming life.

I’m sure hoping it’ll help me give some direction. There’s so much logistics involved — I definitely have to do a career switch in the meantime because my current job (theatre technician) isn’t well paying or compatible with a student schedule, so maybe that means I look for jobs at universities or hospitals, and then I have to decide on where I’m going for the program and whether I want an OTA license or an OT license and tuition and financial aid and DARS and it’s... A Lot, especially while I’m currently in a fatigue trench for whatever reason. But I can do it! I hope!

What are you going back to school for?

[ladymostkind]

i'm the opposite. i have IRL friends on social media but dont know how to keep the friendships going. i have friends on tumblr but i dont remember exactly how we became friends. i think a lot of people get online for the same reason lol

i hear you on the money struggle. im currently looking for a new job as well since the one im currently have has no room for growth or getting a raise. i hope you find a better paying job! i dont know if the program youre looking at doing is in-person or online but getting a job at the school could be useful, since youre going to be there anyways. i believe in you!

i'm going back to school for my MLIS - Master's in Library and Information Science. i initially wanted to be a librarian either in a public library or an academic one but i've settle on specializing in archival work - either for universities or museums. the whole idea of preserving knowledge and history really appeals to the anthropologist in me.

[vanitashaze]

I’m looking at a few different programs — all of them have an in-person component but some of them are partially online too. Getting a job as an OT aide at a local hospital (full time with benefits) might be a good idea too, since I’d get the work experience I need for the degree. But I’m looking into my options, so we’ll see. That’s cool about the MLIS! Haha my first thought when I hear “archivist” is The Magnus Archives, but I’m assuming you’re not going to go work for an archive in service of a cosmic horror entity...

[ladymostkind]

Yes! Definitely get that work experience in. Honestly, that's pretty much the main thing all these employers care about. Every single job posting i see be like "must have 2-3 years of experience".

working for a cosmic eldritch horror sounds like a dream to me lol. every day at work would be an adventure.

[vanitashaze]

Oh, it totally is an adventure. Just not necessarily the kind that has a happy ending.

[ladymostkind]

i listened to only like 4 episodes in the past but i just subscribed to it again because of you.

[vanitashaze]

OMG YAY FEEL FREE TO YELL W ME ABOUT IT :D Like a lot of things it takes a while to ramp up but over time it goes less anthology-like and has all this fantastic intricate worldbuilding and overarching plot. The fandom is also super nice and welcoming and has only recently developed a wee bit of drama, but compared to bigger fandoms, the drama is gnat-sized.

[ladymostkind]

yeah, i'll let you know! the slowness of the story is what had me dropped it in the past but imma give it another shot. i dont really associate with podcast fandoms after having experienced the nightmare that is the welcome to night vale fandom lol.

[vanitashaze]

By far, the nicest fandoms I've found are for The Magnus Archives and the Penumbra Podcast. I was never into Welcome to Night Vale so I don't know about any wank there but I guess it's intense?

[ladymostkind]

i've seen a little bit of the penumbra podcast folk and they do seem pretty chill. and YES, very intense.

[szzzt]

I do not miss the workload of school, not at all. But I miss the structured learning. More, I guess I miss the feeling that you can learn to do anything, because that's your job, that's what you and everyone else are there to do.

I, too, was enabled by the firehose of tumblr to draw back into my little eel hole and rarely post my own words. That's nice when I don't have many words to spare, but I think I could learn some writing stuff by stretching a little and posting my own thoughts more often. One nice thing compared to my 2011 self is that I am not so embarassed by what I write, not feeling the need to try so hard anymore. So, my earnest goal is to make my dreamwidth an absolute fount of stream-of-consciousness shitposts :D especially zero-context shitposts about the current WIPs or writing in general

[vanitashaze]

Yeah, I really didn’t appreciate the structure of school until I wasn’t in it anymore. I’ve heard that this transition from structured to unstructured is hard for people with ADHD, which my therapist thinks I have, and getting sick right before I started to actually develop a professional life wasn’t great for my self-confidence re: jobs and adult life.

Yessssss shitpost away. And lol I totally get the feeling of “thoughts? Words? What are those?”