vanitashaze: Ruby. (what at the heart of your engine's rage?)
I'm not sure if I'm too happy about how this turned out - Ruby is a very difficult character to write right - but I'm posting it anyway.


XENIZATION
Supernatural; Ruby/Lilith, R.



( Some come from the cities, bodies stuffed into moth-eaten coats, dragging suitcases tied together with string. )
vanitashaze: Ruby. (what at the heart of your engine's rage?)
For [personal profile] everysecondtuesday, whom I understand has been recently feeling rather under the weather. It's not your Sweet Charity fic, but it is Ruby! Religious Ruby, at that, and actually the converse to an earlier Castiel fanmix.

Oh God this is so tl;dr.

CASEY: Some demons lie. But some are true believers.
DEAN: Believers in what?
CASEY: You think humans have an exclusive on a higher power?
DEAN: You have a god?
CASEY: Sure. His name's Lucifer.

RUBY: I know it's hard to see it now... but this is a miracle. So long coming.


We first see the concept of demon religion in the third-season episode Sin City, when Dean meets the demon Casey, who is, as she puts it, a "true believer". Not much is said of it, and then we get Ruby, a seemingly benevolent demon who goads Sam into drinking demon blood in order to develop his Antichrist powers - which, in all fairness, didn't take much convincing on Ruby's part. Until the fourth-season finale we don't get an explanation for why she is helping Hunters - her natural enemies - out, though it's implied that Ruby may or may not be in love with Sam.

However, in the events of Lucifer Rising, we learn that Ruby is also a "true believer", and has manipulated the brothers and the situation in order to set her god free. In order to do so, she clawed herself up from hell; killed her fellow demons; brought to light the only human-wielded weapon that could kill them (and herself); was beaten up; was thrown back into hell and tortured for an indeterminate amount of time - the equivalent of a few above-ground weeks, at least - until Lilith trusted her enough to send her back above-ground; killed her kin again; ceded to humans; ceded to angels; was tortured again; hid her intentions and faith so thoroughly that the other demons thought she was a traitor to everything she was; and risked her life over and over again, nearly dying at the hands of demons, angels, and both Winchesters.

That is some impressive devotion. There are saints that put themselves through less than that.

It also makes for a quite fascinating character and raises some very interesting questions - just what is demon religion? How does it make sense of the world? Does it have guidelines, things that pious demons are supposed to do? A priesthood? How do you worship something in a world ruled by practical magic? - that I would have loved if they explored further, but, predictably enough, were never answered by Kripke et al. The closest we get is Ruby's self-congratulatory speech after Lilith's death - which seems less like boasting and more like a spontaneous outburst of joy and secrets kept too long. In it, she calls Lucifer's rising a "miracle" - which could either be a) the closest English word to what a demon would call it in their own language (do they have a language?), the closest way to get Sam to understand her, or b) that again, there's more to this demon faith than entrails and sulfur - and implies that this was her goal all along.

Based on this, it's probably fair to say that almost every decision she made throughout the series was calculated to bring her god freedom and herself closer to him - and maybe there were unseen complications, like her affection (love?) for Sam, but the principal remains the same. Everything is driven by it. In many ways, the story of Ruby is the story of her faith - a perversely religious saga comparable to any of the stories of the opposition (i.e. the Christian God/YHWH).

In short, it's a side of Ruby that doesn't often get play. (Of course, I'd settle for play of any side that's not "evil bitch getting in-between the Winchesters!!!!1!") So I made a fanmix about it.

{ Also, a note probably worth putting down: I'm not advocating Satan worship, or trying for blasphemy, or insulting Christianity or people of faith. All of this is theoretical, within the context of a television show about two good-looking brothers driving around America and having homoerotic adventures with the Judeo-Christian pantheon. In short, fiction. So please don't flame. }




In the burning fuselage of my days, let my mouth be ever fresh with praise. )
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (who are you carrying those bricks for?)
Another fanmix that secretly dreams of being a fic when it grows up, this time focusing on everybody's favorite angel. (Unless, of course, you're in Good Omens, in which case this mix features your second-favorite angel. Though if you're into GO, why are you skulking around here?) Castiel: the beginning, the middle - the beings who have pushed, changed, challenged, hurt, and loved him - and the now. The relationships explored can be construed as romantic or sexual pairings - Dean/Castiel and angel incest, as it were - or entirely gen, or a mixture of the two. I tend to view it as romantic love/influence from Dean and familial from the angels, but see it as you will; I have no part in it beyond the making.

As for the covers: I was experimenting with non-traditionally-shaped fanmix covers, finished the first version, and then realized it was way too big to post to any communities. So tonight, you have two covers for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!





No ground is ever going to hold me. )
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (Default)
To make this clear: this isn't really a political mix, or at least, it didn't start out that way. It started as a love song to my generation, the youth I love and hate being a part of. But as it grew, it started to be about hope, about what we could do, should do. Before long, it became songs to listen to while saving the world. And, well, we all know where that's going: Obama.

I've been wanting to make this mix for a really, really long time, but didn't have the motivation until now. For so long it seemed that this election was a foregone conclusion, because in our little Democratic hearts, we refused to believe that all we've worked for, this man who has hundreds of years and millions of people behind every word he says... We just couldn't believe that it might not happen. But now Palin has come kicking in with her soccer-mom shit, and it feels like it's slipping, even as we're scrabbling to keep hold of it. And I know - government sucks, politicians are out to screw us over, the white house lives in the shadow of corporations - I wish this weren't true, but currently, it is. But there's something changing, people; even the talking heads have noticed it. Obama's right - it's not about politics anymore. It's not even about him anymore. It's about us.

There's something in the air, now, and it's what I felt when I was working the phones. It's the senior citizens, the thirtysomethings, the kids too young to vote, all working their diverse asses off to get a politician into office who doesn't seem like more of the same old, same old. It's the crowd at the Democratic convention, the feeling in your chest when you saw that for once, all the faces weren't the same, but that they were different, it's the moment you knew that anyone you could think of - from any class or race or religion or orientation or party or state - were all there, to hear this man speak of a time when this would be the norm. It's the kids who were born in the decade of cynicism and secularity but want to believe in something, anything, so badly but they're marching the picket instead of tearing up the cobblestones. It's this feeling that change is on the horizon, and you just have to keep pulling towards it because it's there, it's right over that edge of light, and you don't know what it is but it's bright and loud and good. And it may not be real but we think it is, and in the end, isn't that what matters?




we are the ones you can't ignore - every day we're more and more )
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (Default)
Confession time: I liked Barbara. Gruff, but kind of affectionate, rather like Mad-Eye Moody; I'm not usually into het ships, but I'd be quite content if she and Lassie became an item. They seem... okay for each other, if both would loosen up. And even though it was played off as a joke, I think it's cool that Lassie fell for this sturdy, middle-aged woman with the androgynous haircut. Go unusual tastes!

More than anything else, though, I think this week's Psych has cinched my opinion that Lassiter was made for dom/sub relationships. Or, perhaps, dom/sub relationships were made for Lassiter. Has anyone noticed that when romance comes into the fore, Lassie always seems to be the submissive partner? Though in his work he's so much of a leader to the point that it becomes obnoxious, he seems to be highly attracted to bossy, slightly (or more-than-slightly) masculine people who immediately take charge. (The exception would be Emilina, whom you could argue WOULD be commanding had her brain not been melted by drain cleaner.) It's an interesting contrast to Shawn, who tends to lean towards clever, pretty girls, the ones with glossy waves and fitted jackets.

...Damn. Now that we've met the Shawn-mother and Gus' parents - hell, even Vick's sister - I think it's time we meet Lassie's ex-wife. I am starting to harbor suspicions that she is awesome.




somewhere just beyond my reach, there's someone reaching back for me )
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (Default)
Finally broke my Photoshop-block, and none too badly if I do say so myself. I mean, the cover's not great - it's rather generic, really - but I like it.

So, here's another one of these v-what-were-you-thinking, wanna-be-fic fanmixes. This round: Donna! With the Doctor, Lee, and Rose but not her dead fiance because he was kind of a twat. Enjoy.

Warning: this will make little to no sense if you don't read the back cover.



there's a chord in every muscle, every kiss you ever had )

ETA: Speaking of Rose/Donna... here, have a rec. [livejournal.com profile] netgirl_y2k's A Change Is As Good As a Rest is a lovely, witty post-finale piece that gives both ladies the endings they deserve. Summary: Now she had a half Time Lord / half human lounging on her sofa watching the X-Factor, and the heart of a TARDIS growing in an empty jam jar in her kitchen.
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (Default)
1. Maybe it was the crappy quality on YouTube, or maybe I'm just missing something, but I for one was not so wildly thrilled about Journey's End. Despite some clear attempts at humor, it mostly felt like one plot device after another, quantity over quality. I suppose that with the set-up that The Stolen Earth left them with, it was a question of wrapping up a lot of threads with cheap thread (the type that breaks too hard), or tying off some with the really high-quality polyester stuff. Couldn't afford both, of course. And the Beeb is nothing but economical.

2. See? I am good at procrastination and posting my stuff all at the same time.

Before we begin, though, a quick note about the linkage of this fanmix: Normally, when I make fanmixes, I post links for each individual song, because I know that sometimes, people are just here for the music and couldn't give a damn about my fannish leanings. Then, too, are some who share my fandoms and do care about the music, but don't need another copy of "Wonderwall", or just really, really don't like Portishead. And all of this is perfectly fine, because music is music, and even if it doesn't touch you one way it will, eventually, in another.

This mix, however, is not a collection of separate songs. Like most things, it started out as something else: a Doctor fanmix. But then there was Rose, and just when I'd finished with them, a song would come screaming "Master!". Which got me thinking, really, about the usual limitations of fanmixes, their structure. Unlike fics, they're usually centered around one character, one show, one pairing, and it's good, but not real. People don't fall in love just once, and, at the risk of sounding like a Girl Scout friendship song, love doesn't detract from itself. So I tried to do something different. This mix is a love story, not two.

Which brings me back to my original point: that this mix is meant to be treated as a whole, in the order I put them in, no songs left out. This, to me, is the story of Rose and the Doctor, the Doctor and the Master, the ones he loves but loses. As well as the titles and order of the songs, here is significance, too, in the instruments. Songs for the Doctor are string quartets, or cellos: deep, resonating, layered. Rose I envisioned as the lighter, though no less beautiful, piano (with a bit of Reinette thrown in there as well); the Master, of course, is represented by drums.

...I ramble muchly. SORRY, PEOPLE, SORRY.


in which there is zoe keating, tori amos, bear mccreary and other fun stuff )
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (Default)
1. If anyone has a few minutes to spare, I would love them forever if they could give their input for this. It's for a good cause, people!

2. First Heroes fanmix, and it's for a character that gets twenty minutes of screentime for the entire two seasons.

...But she is sort of awesome, yes?



going somewhere older than i was, strapped into something tight, keeping me small )
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (Default)
1. Graggh. I need to finish all these fic-fragments on my computer before it sizzles and dies (or I do). Must... summon... motivation...

2. The literary cycle is weird. I hated the Narnia books when I was younger (along with Tolkien and Twain and almost every other classic writer), but having recently re-watched Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, I want fic. Fic about a movie based on a book that I would never read.

Hmm.

...In any case, Caspian recs. Got any?

3. Warning: this fanmix really doesn't make sense, and is in no way consistant. (Which is sort of on par for my stuff.) But here it is regardless - because, come on. The boys need love too.



are you a hunter just like me? a lot of heart, a little crazy )
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (Default)
1. So, last Saturday I saw the Shakespeare Free-For-All production of Hamlet with my cohorts. Despite the fact that - in typical Wash D.C. fashion - it poured most of the day and was disgustingly hot the rest of it, it was actually a rather pleasant experience. Most of the time was spent sniggering over the Hamlet/Horatio. It was an unusually energetic performance, really. Jeffrey Carlson (the actor playing Hamlet) was flopped around a LOT. And the first time he and Horatio were onstage together, he jumped on top of him.

Also, I discovered that there are Shakespeare graphic novels. How cool is that?

2. After reading [livejournal.com profile] cerebel's Chase The Higher Ground, I want to see Iron Man again. And Prince Caspian, even though it made me cry.

3. 3rd of the Turchwyd femslash mixes, completed even if it's a little late. (And yes, Alice and Emily are the infamous Torchwood Lesbians. You know the ones.)



she said, 'roll out and make your mark, pull on your boots and march. meet me where you'll find me doing my own part' )
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (Default)
I shrink to admit it, but once I got over the... er, blondeness, I did end up liking Jenny the Knock-Off Time Lady. Why? Who knows. It certainly wasn't her perpetually overexcited demeaner, or her "Toxic" routine, or jail-escaping skills, or the rather questionable fact that she was born wearing eyeliner. To be completely honest, her most appealing factor was probably the way that the other characters played off of her. For instance, the Donna-Jenny dynamic. We had all expected the Doctor-Jenny thing to be going on, and it was great (from Tennant's side, anyway), but I for one did not anticipate Donna doing the maternal and actually making it... nice. I aw'd.




you can't say goodbye, we never really met... you just burnt my bed and tore out the stars and kissed my forehead )
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (Default)
1. ...This has got to be the funniest thing I've seen all week.

2. Part two of the femslash-fanmixes. (Yes, I know.)




tie yourself to me, no one else - no, you're not rid of me )
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (Default)
Yesterday I decided to clean out the attic. I'm not sure why, exactly; it seemed like a good idea at the time, but then again, these things usually do. And while I got rid of a lot of stuff, I also made a vacuum-cleaner bag explode & shower everything with mouse crap, banged my newly pierced ear on a doorframe, broke two china plates and got stuck in a bin.

And that was just the first hour.

The point of all this, though, is that afterwards I was listening to music and thinking certain... fannish thoughts... So in honor of fuck all, I started work on a bunch of DW/TW fanmixes, which seem to mostly feature obscure Torchwood-femslash pairings (read: Suzie/Gwen) and the Year That Never Was.

...I fear I may be growing certifiable.

Also, to my knowledge the "dark between the bedposts" title is originally mine, but it sounded vaguely familiar in that heard-it-in-a-dream-or-fic context, so if I've accidently ganked anything of anyone's, let me know. (Knowing my track record, it's an unhappy possibility.)




i'm the glass you break to touch, but you never want me much )
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (Default)
So I as I was saying - what was it, yesterday? - I recently watched Voyage of the Damned and as some of you might know (doubt it), I wrote a little rant about it. But as I realize nobody actually reads these rants I will recap: I did not like Astrid. I think Kylie Minogue is a talentless dolled-up twit, and having her run around in a French maid costume and dominatrix boots for the majority of the episode did not endear her to me. However, I was mildly fascinated by the manner of her ressurection - not in terms of good luck Astrid but rather well, THAT was a bit stupid of him - and of course, it got me thinking about her death, and that led to the fact that in Doctor Who, there are few men looking tearful as they plummet to their deaths.

I realize that Doctor Who is a fairly progressive show, what with JACK HARKNESS Donna, Rose, Mister McGoogles and whatnot, and Torchwood oversteps 'fairly progressive' and lands somewhere in the vicinity of SHAG SHAG SHAG bit a' swearing bit a' blood SHAG. Despite this, there is a disconcerting amount of women in refrigerators (or spaceships, or what have you) in the Whoverse. I mean, unless a man - and I mean HUman, not alien equivalent - is completely useless, idiotic, or just a downright bastard, there's a pretty low chance of him getting knocked off, whereas women drop like flies. In Doctor Who, the dead women are usually used to kick the Doctor's Guilt-O-Meter to whatever the proper number is that week; in Torchwood, the deaths are plot development. Perhaps because it's in no way billed as a "family show" and thus has more deaths in general, Torchwood has a lot of these WIRs - a lot of gals stabbed, raped, strangled, shot, taken over or killed in some other interesting manner.

I'm not sure if this is a reflection on the fact that in our society, it's easier to feel outraged by the deaths of women more than men or just the fact that they scream better. In any case, I'm trying not to make assumptions. I love both shows, and the after-images of the Feminist Explosion better not block out the TV screen. I just think they deserve an... epitaph, of sorts?

(And, of course, I was bored.)


an epitaph for 23 women dead or close to it )

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