vanitashaze: Ruby. (what at the heart of your engine's rage?)
I'm not sure if I'm too happy about how this turned out - Ruby is a very difficult character to write right - but I'm posting it anyway.

Supernatural; Ruby/Lilith, R.

( Some come from the cities, bodies stuffed into moth-eaten coats, dragging suitcases tied together with string. )
vanitashaze: Ruby. (what at the heart of your engine's rage?)
For [personal profile] everysecondtuesday, whom I understand has been recently feeling rather under the weather. It's not your Sweet Charity fic, but it is Ruby! Religious Ruby, at that, and actually the converse to an earlier Castiel fanmix.

Oh God this is so tl;dr.

CASEY: Some demons lie. But some are true believers.
DEAN: Believers in what?
CASEY: You think humans have an exclusive on a higher power?
DEAN: You have a god?
CASEY: Sure. His name's Lucifer.

RUBY: I know it's hard to see it now... but this is a miracle. So long coming.

We first see the concept of demon religion in the third-season episode Sin City, when Dean meets the demon Casey, who is, as she puts it, a "true believer". Not much is said of it, and then we get Ruby, a seemingly benevolent demon who goads Sam into drinking demon blood in order to develop his Antichrist powers - which, in all fairness, didn't take much convincing on Ruby's part. Until the fourth-season finale we don't get an explanation for why she is helping Hunters - her natural enemies - out, though it's implied that Ruby may or may not be in love with Sam.

However, in the events of Lucifer Rising, we learn that Ruby is also a "true believer", and has manipulated the brothers and the situation in order to set her god free. In order to do so, she clawed herself up from hell; killed her fellow demons; brought to light the only human-wielded weapon that could kill them (and herself); was beaten up; was thrown back into hell and tortured for an indeterminate amount of time - the equivalent of a few above-ground weeks, at least - until Lilith trusted her enough to send her back above-ground; killed her kin again; ceded to humans; ceded to angels; was tortured again; hid her intentions and faith so thoroughly that the other demons thought she was a traitor to everything she was; and risked her life over and over again, nearly dying at the hands of demons, angels, and both Winchesters.

That is some impressive devotion. There are saints that put themselves through less than that.

It also makes for a quite fascinating character and raises some very interesting questions - just what is demon religion? How does it make sense of the world? Does it have guidelines, things that pious demons are supposed to do? A priesthood? How do you worship something in a world ruled by practical magic? - that I would have loved if they explored further, but, predictably enough, were never answered by Kripke et al. The closest we get is Ruby's self-congratulatory speech after Lilith's death - which seems less like boasting and more like a spontaneous outburst of joy and secrets kept too long. In it, she calls Lucifer's rising a "miracle" - which could either be a) the closest English word to what a demon would call it in their own language (do they have a language?), the closest way to get Sam to understand her, or b) that again, there's more to this demon faith than entrails and sulfur - and implies that this was her goal all along.

Based on this, it's probably fair to say that almost every decision she made throughout the series was calculated to bring her god freedom and herself closer to him - and maybe there were unseen complications, like her affection (love?) for Sam, but the principal remains the same. Everything is driven by it. In many ways, the story of Ruby is the story of her faith - a perversely religious saga comparable to any of the stories of the opposition (i.e. the Christian God/YHWH).

In short, it's a side of Ruby that doesn't often get play. (Of course, I'd settle for play of any side that's not "evil bitch getting in-between the Winchesters!!!!1!") So I made a fanmix about it.

{ Also, a note probably worth putting down: I'm not advocating Satan worship, or trying for blasphemy, or insulting Christianity or people of faith. All of this is theoretical, within the context of a television show about two good-looking brothers driving around America and having homoerotic adventures with the Judeo-Christian pantheon. In short, fiction. So please don't flame. }

In the burning fuselage of my days, let my mouth be ever fresh with praise. )
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (come down on the road /)
Guess what, you guys?

vanitashaze: Ambiguous hands around a throat. (liminality of violence and tenderness /)
Technically, I'm supposed to wait for Sunday to do this, but I'm posting this now, because I'm going to be busy studying for IB exams all of tomorrow (*face of supreme distaste*) and who the hell reads their f-list at two minutes to midnight, anyway? If the answer is you: don't speak! I would like to preserve the illusion of me being at least somewhat in compliance of the rules. Though to be honest, I'm wondering why I'm fanfaring this, because OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, THERE ARE SO MANY PROBLEMS WITH THIS FIC. Or at least I think so. (For instance: I can't find a line I like enough to make it the summary. And that never happens.) Maybe I'm too hard on myself? But, uh, yeah. Read and let me know? And that isn't the shameless ploy for fic-readers that you think it is. Honest.

But anyways: for all you Supernatural fen out there, specifically those of the Dean/Castiel preference - reveals are (or soon will be!) up for the Secret Angels III fic exchange! Yay. Even though many of them were... not that great. I wrote for [ profile] oso_intricate, and it has slightly less of my usual tragedy and despair. Slightly. But it's Supernatural, so angst with a happy ending is like rainbows and puppies.

Basically, this is a story about Castiel learning how to feel, as narrated by Dean, who thinks neither of them can. There's fighting. And apparently [ profile] 22by7 thinks it's profoundly erotic?

Supernatural, Dean/Castiel, R. Warnings for brief graphic violence.

( It was a story about Castiel, first and foremost, though Dean and Sam had cameo appearances in it as well. )
vanitashaze: Ambiguous hands around a throat. (liminality of violence and tenderness /)
Before we get to the sex, I have a funny story to tell you guys. I think I first encountered fanpoetry about spring of 2008. Needless to say, I was completely blown away that someone - more than one person! - had the talent to actually write fanfiction in poetic form. Wouldn't that be cool if I could do that? I wondered, and then immediately thought: oh, don't be stupid. That'll never happen.

It's a good thing no one in authority listens to my predictions, that's for sure.

So: Supernatural free verse of the Dean/Castiel variety and a very definite R-rating. And yes, the title does refer to the sexual position. In fact... sex, death, eating, orgasm, implosion, possession, language, sixty-nineing - I think I hit them all. But non-squicking, unless you're freaked out by blowjobs.

Somewhat related but not addressed in the poem - as far as death goes, Cas is in a pretty unique place, isn't he? Because angels are (barring being murdered) immortal, and so I would think death would be an incredibly foreign concept to them - not just foreign, but weird, in a way that human death... isn't, as much as we'd like to think so. But Castiel died (and was then brought back); I wonder if this affected his perceptions of humans any? In many ways - powers, relationships, dying - I feel as if he's becoming more and more Anna's obverse, alike and yet not. But maybe that's just me.


Love is the natural oblivion for us, not death: / the finality of utter consumption, as planets / are eaten by their suns, a tongue transposed by fire / into a thousand-part harmony of gravity and rock. )
vanitashaze: Ambiguous hands around a throat. (liminality of violence and tenderness /)

[ profile] gid_hanasheh!

Yeah, I love it a lot.
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (who are you carrying those bricks for?)
Another fanmix that secretly dreams of being a fic when it grows up, this time focusing on everybody's favorite angel. (Unless, of course, you're in Good Omens, in which case this mix features your second-favorite angel. Though if you're into GO, why are you skulking around here?) Castiel: the beginning, the middle - the beings who have pushed, changed, challenged, hurt, and loved him - and the now. The relationships explored can be construed as romantic or sexual pairings - Dean/Castiel and angel incest, as it were - or entirely gen, or a mixture of the two. I tend to view it as romantic love/influence from Dean and familial from the angels, but see it as you will; I have no part in it beyond the making.

As for the covers: I was experimenting with non-traditionally-shaped fanmix covers, finished the first version, and then realized it was way too big to post to any communities. So tonight, you have two covers for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!

No ground is ever going to hold me. )
vanitashaze: Silhouette of the Winchester brothers against a blue-lit window. (nowhere to stop anywhere on this road /)
HEY YOU GUYS, CHECK THIS OUT: Folie à Deux, written for ME for the [ profile] deancastiel Secret Angels Exchange! My prompt was The AU where Henrickson was right: there is no thing as the supernatural, John was a paramilitary whackjob, and Castiel is Jimmy Novak's other personality.

The writer took this prompt and then wrote it from Amelia's POV, lending a poignancy and ambiguity to the tragedy that unfolds. There's so much here: anger, tenderness, ignorance, despair, far-flung tragedy, and the scariest thing is that it could so very easily go like this. To everyone but a select few, this is what happens. More than anything else, this fic asks: Where is the reality? Where's the line? Are the Supernatural pantheon close to it? And the answer seems to be: We don't know. We don't know. And far, far too close.
vanitashaze: Superman kicking off a... boot? Duck? (In with the new and out with the ducks /)
Dean Winchester is a blond in the way I'm a blond.

I.E., not.

ETA: "The following is SLASH which means two boys doing knotty things." Made my day.
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (Only two doors: to die or to fight /)
Cat Power's RAMBLIN' WOMAN (Hank Williams cover).

Some folks, some folks might say that I'm no good
That I wouldn't settle down, but if I only could.
But I love to see the towns go rolling by,
something I got to do before I die.
I love you baby, but you gotta understand:
When the Lord made me, he made me a ramblin' woman.
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (only two doors open: to die or to fight )
One. Why can't Captain America look like that?

Two. In other news: Ahahahaha Misha. Even his Wikipedia page is so very detailed and wacky. I love how much these speaks to: to Misha, obviously, for sharing all of this, but also to the hundreds of fans who listened to everything he's ever said and meticulously copied this gospel down and then reproduced it.
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (the cantaloupes especially suck /)
vanitashaze: Silhouette of the Winchester brothers against a blue-lit window. (nowhere to stop anywhere on this road /)
If you're a fan of Castiel - if you're a fan of Supernatural at all - you must go over and check out [ profile] lola_thursday's vid Nowhere to Stop. Set to possibly the most perfect Castiel song that ever existed - Lhasa de Sela's "Anywhere On This Road" - it's an absolutely gorgeous view of Castiel as something eerie, tragic, heroic, and strange; jostled by a thousand loyalties, and yet for all the infighting, on a road that can only ever lead to one place. As [ profile] lola_thursday said: "Somehow, in the process of making this vid, I feel like I discovered new dimensions to Castiel and his journey. And now, while season five has in some ways shown us Castiel as a tragic and impossible figure, I find him less tragic and (even) more compelling. His story is one of devotion, dedication, doubt, anger, and hope, all held in tension together. I tried to imbue this vid with those contradictions." My favorite bits are at 1:10 to 1:20, 2:00 to 2:07, 2:15 to 2:20, and the last few seconds - oh god, what a haunting, awful reminder of the inevitable - but really, the entire thing is fantastic. WATCH.

And now, off to see the new episode.
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (it's just been that kinda day /)
I am so excited, you guys! Tonight's the night (assuming someone on the other side of the pond uploads the episode promptly. If not, then tomorrow's the night, or possibly next Wednesday). But even knowing that the hiatus is over with, it still cracks me up to watch this trailer, because at the end, I automatically think... OH MY GOD, IT'S THE WINCHESTERS!

Would that not be the most hilarious crossover ever? Except the one with Uriel, Papa Winchester, and Jack Harkness. And I think they'd have a lot to teach each other. For the trio: Things unlike you are not always bad, even if they do occasionally try to kill you! And for the Winchesters: Well, same thing!
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (what the #@&%*$^ ? /)
Spoilers for THE END OF TIME, PART ONE )

And now I really want a Supernatural / Doctor Who crossover with the Doctor and the angels. Because if you think about it, angels are pretty much souped-up time lords with less angst. They live really long - jury's still out on if they live forever, or exist as fixed points in time & space, which I'm rooting for (It would explain how they manipulate time/space, after all - instead of moving through it, I think they would stand still and move it instead) - and muck around with timelines and the time/space universe gunk. Not to mention this fascination they seem to have with humans. And the self-righteousness. That too.
vanitashaze: Text: "Idiot: member of large, powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant & controlling." (rampant! rampant!)
I do not love you except because I love you
Pablo Neruda

"I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
from waiting to not waiting for you
my heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
my heart with its cruel
ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
because I love you, Love, in fire and blood."

Why, hello there, Sam and Dean.

And in other news, snow - almost two feet of it - is amazing, but ice is not, and wine is fun, but livejournal's new pop-up ads are annoying.
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (who are you carrying those bricks for?)
I'm working my way through season one of Supernatural - I've said it before and I'll say it again, I fucking love my little small-town library's dvd collection - and I'm mostly satisfied. However, I'll admit it: while some episodes are really cool, others are not so great. Not that bad writing is uncommon for television shows, but for some reason, it's really getting to me here. Maybe because almost all of the bad episodes - "Route 666", "The Benders", that one with the shapeshifter - had the potential to be really cool with only a few slight adjustments. The potential for those connections was there. For example, "Route 666". As it stands, it was sort of about Dean's thwarted love life, and some really awkward commentary on racism - apparently that while it existed in the past, it's all gone now, or something? - and featured a sort-of-interesting-but-not-really Cassie, who was supposed to be tough and shit and instead was - not. The plot didn't really hook up, the reveal was forced, the end was unsatisfying, etc. But it could have been a tragedy, guys. It could have been about keeping secrets - the town's past, Dean's hunting, Dean's relationship with Cassie, Cassie's parents' relationship, Cyrus' activities and death - and how they never stay buried, how they get forced under and then become something huge and dark and terrifying. The invisible monster truck in the middle of the room*. They could have drawn parallels between Cassie and Dean's romance, and the romance between Cassie's parents. Both were couples with the odds pretty much all against them, after all, and when Cassie and Dean separated at the end, sure that it would never work, it would have been all the more poignant - and uncertain - for the reminder that, despite it all, Cassie's parents did make it. Like, Dean's comment about how he's seen "stranger things"? I think a better comeback would have been, "well, your parents did it." And that's only the tip of the iceberg, guys. That episode could have been the emotional high point of the season.

Or "The Benders", which is really all about family, but not quite the way I think it should be. When I first saw that creepy little girl - Missy - I thought, wow, this is a kid who's been raised in a seriously weird environment, to a very twisted definition of "normal". And yet, this is what she's been taught is right, this is normal for her, and her brothers. Which is exactly like Sam and Dean with hunting. They're all working with operative definitions of "normal"; they're all doing what they do, essentially, because their parents told them to. And that "hunt" thing, man. If they had paralleled that somehow - maybe cut between the Winchesters' and the Benders' pre-hunt rituals, had them repeat some of the language (that "you hurt my brother, I'll kill you"; "you hurt my family, I'll bleed you" thing, though it would have been much eerier if they had said the same thing). Not to mention, this season is all about John Winchester's absence.

So, my ideal "Benders"? John Winchester is missing and Pa Bender is dead. The Benders are hunting the Winchesters, thinking that they're typical prey, and the Winchesters are hunting the Benders, thinking that they're on a monster hunt. The awesome female cop** would have been there as a foil to the Winchesters - to emphasize what they do is not "normal", constantly checking them, providing the much-needed, "What?" - but in the end she wouldn't have been so normal after all, because she's much more obsessive about her missing brother. Maybe there's a bulletin board behind her desk similar to John's hotel room collages, or at her apartment. (Dean sees it, lifts an eyebrow, and she says, "Well. You know.") They cut between the Winchester pre-hunting rituals, and the Benders' (gun loading / knife sharpening, putting on jackets / putting on camo, etc.). All three groups of siblings use the same phrases. Maybe the Bender brothers tease each other a little bit, and they protect their little sister. There are two empty father-sized spaces. And when the Winchesters ask the Benders why they do this, they say, "Because Pa told us to."

Don't you think that would be an improvement? I think that would be an improvement.

*Comparable to the elephant.
**Who, by the way, would retain her rigid cop bun - but have hanks of it pulled out as her emotional / physical state roughens - and would not wear a skintight white t-shirt. Or, you know, have to have Sam save her. And she would totally say at the end, "Good luck, Dean", or something, because there's no way she hasn't figured who he really is out by the end of the episode.
vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (who are you carrying those bricks for?)
1. Brace yourselves, guys. The wheel has turned*; thanks to general not-scariness and an interesting pairing that isn't incestuous, I am in the thrall of a new fandom. And I never would have guessed which one, because Supernatural, seriously? I tell you, I love Dean, but it's all about Castiel for me. Without the angels the show was, mostly, very claustrophobic in scope. Broad in mythology, but in terms of narrators, it was all Hunters, and they're apparently not a very diverse group, in terms of background, life experiences, advocation, world-view, or even - let's face it - race or gender. But with Cas, I have an inhuman entity that's possibly been around longer than time itself, who sees time, who doesn't understand humans - but is working on it - who drank wine to celebrate the Christ child's birth. (Yes, this is totally canon for me!) I mean, guys, come on. I have centuries of history to play around with, not to mention theology and all the issues it brings up, the ones that start arguments at my family's holidays once the schnapps start going around: free will, destiny, the nature of God, the nature of existence, etc., etc. Yay.

Which brings me to the point of this whole thing. Lately I've been reading - okay, sometimes skimming - a lot of religious texts, and look what I found in the Book of Enoch. (It's non-canonical, but considered to be canon by the Ethiopian Orthodox Church, so that's something! It's not as if I'm viewing this from a historical or even theological perspective, so it doesn't particularly matter; at least with what I'm doing with it, it's all literature.)

"And all the others together with them took unto themselves wives, and each chose for himself one, and they began to go in unto them and to defile themselves with them, and they taught them charms and enchantments, and the cutting of roots, and made them acquainted with plants... And Azâzêl taught men to make swords, and knives, and shields, and breastplates, and made known to them the metals of the earth and the art of working them, and bracelets, and ornaments, and the use of antimony, and the beautifying of the eyelids, and all kinds of costly stones, and all coloring tinctures. And there arose much godlessness, and they committed fornication, and they were led astray, and became corrupt in all their ways. Semjâzâ taught enchantments, and root-cuttings, 'Armârôs the resolving of enchantments, Barâqîjâl (taught) astrology, Kôkabêl the constellations, Êzêqêêl the knowledge of the clouds, Araqiêl the signs of the earth, Shamsiêl the signs of the sun, and Sariêl the course of the moon." - Book of Enoch, Chapter VI

So angels created the witches, did they? The ones who were taught "charms and enchantments, and the cutting of roots", and "were made... acquainted with plants." Not to mention the other nasty beasties, not mentioned above, the giants, "who consumed all the acquisitions of men. And when men could no sustain them, the giants turned against them and devoured mankind. And they began to sin against the birds, and beasts, and reptiles, and fish, and to devour one another's flesh, and drink the blood."

Reads like an Abominable Snowman article in The Enquirer, don't it? But the potential amount of stuff the angels have fucked up, then and since, is wonderful in a really horrible kind of way.

2. And in other news, I was denied admission to my Early Decision school. Fuck.

*And I know this because I'm reading the fucking Canterbury Tales and thinking, Oh, "Knight's Tale", that's totally about Dean, Sam, and Ruby! A horse fell on Sam! Ha! Except for the fact that it doesn't have anything to do with them, and the analogy really doesn't make sense after all.


vanitashaze: Girl on a dark beach. (Default)

April 2012

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